IDK my BFF GOD?

Well I can’t sleep so I’m going to post another blog!

Sometimes I feel like I have to be someone different with God. Even though he knows my every thought before and after I have it. I feel like when I pray it has to be all formal, like God is going to judge me if I don’t sound smart or something. Sometimes I like think about what I’m going to pray before I pray it, I like rehearse it in my head before I pray it. Its so dumb but I seriously cannot help it. I always start my prayers: Dear heavenly father, thank you so much for this day blah blah blah. When sometimes it has been like the most horrible day. Don’t get me wrong I am thankful for being alive and stuff it’s just it all seems fake to me. I feel like God is so big and I’m so insignificant that everything has to be just right so that I don’t waste any of his time. Its almost like he is a stranger to me sometimes, and that I have to impress him. Which is ridiculous on my part!! I don’t have to impress him, he loves me already. He knows me better than I know myself! Why am I so stupid sometimes!

I’m going to start treating God like my best friend. Just being like Yo, what up…k maybe not exactly like that but you know what I mean.

Anyway I hope you all have a spectacular Thanksgiving!

loves!!

I need advice…

Wow, its been a long time since I posted anything. So my life recently has been pretty stressful. I have had like so much going on with my family especially my brother.

So a couple of years ago he started hanging out with the wrong crowd and he got into smoking weed and stuff like that. Well he almost failed his grade and my mom found out that he was getting high like everyday and going to school high and stuff. She made him stop which lasted like maybe a month and he just kept getting in trouble over and over again. So he went to live with my dad which at that time was about 2 blocks away from my house. Then a couple of months later he moved back in with us and the same thing happened, so he went to live with my dad again. Then my dad moved to Winston and Chris screwed up yet again and he moved to Winston ‘for good’ (which BTW was like the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through). So this past summer he went with my youth group to a summer retreat and God really worked in his life. (it’s a really long crazy, exciting story, if you want to know just ask) but anyway he changed, like for real. So my mom let him move back in yet again and everything was going great until about 3 months ago….

My mom got married in September and we moved into my step-dad’s house. My brother hates Dave(and there is another really long story about that too) so ever since then my brother has just made my mom and sister’s life a living hell. And he has also started smoking weed and drinking a lot again. He thinks now that he’s 17 that he is grown. But the truth is, he isn’t he has no job, no car, no license, and most importantly he’s only 17! I’m not really sure what he is thinking.

The other day he was supposed to be in school but he stole my sisters jeep and him and one of his thug-ish friends drove around all day getting high and doing God knows what. So when he got back to school he got caught and they called my mom. He was so mad and he was like yelling and stuff at my mom and the cop had to all but restrain him because of how he was talking to her. He basically told her that he was not living with her and not going back to Winston and he would find someplace to live, but that he was grown and didn’t ever have to listen to her again.

Now he living with some friend. We don’t know where he is or what he doing and I’m just like really worried about him. He won’t stop until he gets in like serious trouble. He thinks that he is better than the law and the he is invincible, which I mean CLEARLY he’s not. So I’m at the point were I’m so tired of worrying. And I’m tired of my mom calling me crying because she doesn’t know what to do. I’m just so over him. And I feel bad but its like I’m praying that he does get in trouble so that he can get some help. He’s so angry all the time. I’m afraid if he doesn’t get help now he never will and he’ll end up doing something that will ruin his life. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I need advice…and my brother desperately needs our prayers!

Thanks for listening!

Yeahh..

So recently I have been so frustrated. Like i don’t even understand why…I’ve been going to class, even though i have to force myself out of the bed. I’m physically there but not mentally. I really can’t remember one thing we went over in class today. It’s horrible. I feel like I’m waisting my time, i guess that is because I am. I mean I’m paying so much money to go to school here and I’m getting nothing out of it! I don’t know I’m so blah. And like yesterday it really hit me that I’m going to be here for 4 years of my life that is such a long time! I don’t know what i want to do for the rest of my life…that’s the problem right now.. i have no goal, no light at the end of the tunnel. I can’t picture my self being ‘grown-up’ its so scary!!! i dunno maybe things will get better!  Anyway Happy Halloween ya’ll!!!

RAINING!!!!

Can I just say how EXTREMELY happy I am that it is raining.

ok so tonight was 24/7 and it’s always so much fun! tonight however was just amazing like i have no other words to describe it. At first during the message i was kind of distracted, then i thought just get over your self and listen and it was such a good sermon. i love it when Tim gets so excited! He’s like a little kid at christmas. anyway so then when we started singing like i was trying to pray and i couldn’t. There were no words i was like God you already know. You know exactly what i need and i was like please let me know that you are here. and from that moment it was just really crazy. i was like having a panic attack i couldn’t breathe and i was shaking but it was so good. Like i was scared to death and i was laughing and cry and shaking and i don’t even know. It was like i was having an out of body experience. I have never worshipped like that before ever! it was really and truely amazing!! I’m just so thankful that it actually happened to me! My faith is like replenished. I feel so good!!!!

The New Me…

Hey…this is my first official post woot woot!! I’m so excited about this. I’ve joined blogs before but never really like kept up with it, but i’m going to try on this one!!!

Ok so the past couple weeks have just been really crappy. I’m not even sure why. All i want to do is sleep, no homework or studying or anything. I really feel bad though. I know that I am better than the person that i have become over these past few weeks. So i have decided that tomorrow is going to be the beining of the new me. I’m going to go to class, do my work, make good grades and still have fun! It’s going to be a hard change but it’s really needed.

So, please pray for me to have the motivation to do what i need to.

Thanks ya’ll!!